Breathe for Me Read online

  The next morning goes quickly. It’s Friday, and no one at school is thinking about anything other than what to do this weekend.

  I’m groggy due to sitting up later than usual talking with Samantha…not that I’m upset about it, of course. As soon as she burst through my door, she excitedly proclaimed that Rick asked her to be his girlfriend—and to go to the homecoming dance. Her enthusiasm was so infectious I couldn’t help but be pulled out of my funk and celebrate along with her. It felt good to get my mind off my own concerns, to spend a few hours just being a girl.

  In math class, the substitute tells us that Mr. Morris will be on medical leave until after winter break. While I didn’t like Mr. Morris, I’m sad he’s so sick and needs that much time to recover. The sub tells us to work on the problems in the current chapter we’re studying for the rest of class.

  Becky and Alexis whisper furiously together. Then Alexis turns toward me. I offer her a small smile.

  “Hey, what are you up to tonight?” she asks.

  I blink. “Um, not much.”

  She twists a lock of hair around her index finger. “I’m having a party tonight. My parents are out of town for the weekend. You should come.”

  My first thought is, this must be a joke. Not once have I been invited to a party since starting at this school. Not that it’s bothered me or anything—I know I’m different. Naturally it’s hard for other teens to connect with me.

  But Alexis has been really nice to me these last few days, offering a smile or simply a light chat before and after math class. And she’s making a sincere effort to include me. I don’t want to turn it down.

  “I…I’ll try,” I finally say. Do I dare? Will Sitri leave me alone long enough?

  “I’ll make sure no one bothers you, if you’re worried about getting sick.” Her eyes are filled with genuine concern and warmth, so much so that it nearly stuns me. “Becky’s co-hosting, and everyone’s going to be there. Bring a friend if you want. It’s going to be epic.” She scribbles down her address and passes it to me.

  I nod and slip the paper into my pocket.

  She beams and turns back around, bending her head over to work on our assignment.

  With a shaky hand, I pick my pencil back up and try to focus on my Algebra problems. But a bubble of excitement wells in my gut. This is my chance to spread my wings a little, get to know people outside of school. Maybe Dominic will come with me. Samantha, too. And for one more evening I can steal my hours away from Sitri, take control of my own life again, enjoy a Friday evening just like a regular teenager.

  Class passes painfully slowly. I manage to get my problems done and turn my work in right before the bell rings. After gathering my stuff, I head out the door.

  Dominic’s standing across the hall. When he sees me, his eyes light up, and he gives a shy smile, swiping that errant lock of hair out of his face. My heart slams in my chest. God, I can’t believe he likes me. I can’t believe I’ve told him the truth about me, and he still likes me.

  I offer a shy smile in return and make my way toward him.

  “How was class?” he asks.

  “Not bad.”

  We make our way down the hall. Kids shuffle around, but it’s like there’s a bubble surrounding us. I don’t really hear anything or anyone else, just the soft glide of our feet.

  He slips his hand into mine. My skin hums at the contact, and I struggle to maintain a look of nonchalance as our fingers weave together. It’s the first time we’ve been a couple in public. He wants to be seen with me. He doesn’t think I’m a freak for my curse.

  Finally I remember what I wanted to ask him about. “Hey, are you busy tonight? Alexis Rogers from my math class is having a party at her house, and we’re invited.”

  He glances over at me, his smile growing wider. “I can’t imagine you at a party.” A frown mars his face. “But are you sure you’ll be okay? You know, with that many people around…”

  I swallow, nod. “I’ll stay away from the big crowds and keep covered up. But I have to do this. I want to. And I want you to come with me.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it. Pick you up at…”

  “Nine?”

  We stop in front of a room.

  “Nine should be fine. This is my next class,” he says, regret in his eyes. “See you at lunch? In the courtyard?”

  I squeeze his hand. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  “So,” Samantha drawls, giving me a wicked grin. She opens her brown paper bag and pulls out a sandwich. “I heard it through the grapevine that you and Dominic were holding hands in the hall earlier.”

  I bite my lower lip. “News travels fast,” I finally say, struggling to keep a straight face. But on the inside, I want to scream as loudly as I can that I love him.

  “Oh my God, is he your boyfriend now? I’m so mad at you. Why didn’t you tell me last night?” While she says it in a joking voice, her eyes do look a little hurt, making me feel guilty about keeping my growing relationship with Dominic a secret.

  “I’m sorry.” I pour all the sincerity I can into my voice. “I didn’t want to take away from your awesome news. But I promise you, I was going to talk to you about it.”

  “I know, but it kinda sucks finding things out about you that way.” She glances up at the sky—not a cloud in sight, though the air is thankfully cooling down a bit. “I can’t wait for fall,” she proclaims in an “I’m changing the topic” voice. “I’m sick of being sweaty all the time.”

  Not me. The days are slipping through my hands. For the hundredth time, the thousandth time, I feel that sudden, pressing urge to make Sitri give me my freedom. Asking him outright didn’t work and only made him angry. So I’ll have to resort to another idea—a bargain of my own. Some sort of exchange—my life for… what?

  I square that away in the back of my mind and tell Samantha about the party tonight. “So, can you come? She said I can invite people.”

  Her face scrunches up. “Aw, crap. I would, but I’m having Rick over for dinner this evening. I’m making pasta—he’s meeting my parents.” She fidgets with the sandwich, then puts it down on her lap, leaning back a bit. “I hope he likes it.”

  “He’ll love it,” I say and impulsively squeeze her hand. “Because you made it.”

  “Oh, and because there’s love in every bite—don’t forget that part,” she says sardonically as she rolls her eyes and elbows me in the side.

  Dominic comes out of nowhere, sliding in beside me and setting his tray of pizza and a soda on the table. My heart beats erratically, as it always does when I see him. He smells amazing. He looks amazing. His pale blue shirt highlights the intense saturation of color in his eyes.

  Samantha glances at both of us, smiles widely, then digs back into her sandwich, not saying a word. Her raised eyebrow speaks volumes, though.

  “Did you get started on our poetry assignment last night?” Dominic asks me, popping the can open and taking a big swig.

  I shoot him a guilty look. “A little bit, but I got distracted and put it down. I’ll do more tonight before the party, I promise.”

  “Okay.” With his free hand he rubs my back, sending delicious tingles across my skin as the strength of his fingers seeps through the fabric.

  Samantha shoots another sly glance at us, then checks her phone. “Oh, lookie here. I need to get running to go…do…things.” She winks at me, and it’s not subtle at all. A heated flush sprawls across my cheeks. “You two behave. Don’t get pregnant, now.”

  My jaw drops. I swat at her. “Hilarious.”

  Dominic chuckles. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

  Samantha leans in close to me and whispers, “Tell me all about it later, please. Call me after the party. I want details.” Then she waggles her fingers at us, picking up her belongings. “See you guys.”

  I watch her go, a bittersweet tinge in my chest. She has no real idea about all the turmoil I’m going through, because I’ve kept it a secret. One that’s been w
eighing me down like a boulder tied to my feet. What kind of a friend am I?

  If I fail, if Sitri takes me away, she’s going to be so hurt by my disappearance. Should I tell her, just in case? Vanishing on her is cruel and unfair. And lying to her, telling her I’m suddenly moving—out of nowhere, with no real notice—leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t want to lie to anyone any longer, especially to her.

  And if I succeed, how will I explain to her that suddenly I’m not “sick” anymore, that I don’t have to cover up? She’ll feel betrayed.

  I’m tired of pretending there’s something wrong with me. She’s my best friend. If I can trust the truth with Dominic, I need to have faith and trust in her too.

  She’s earned that.

  “You okay?” Dominic asks quietly. “You have a worried look on your face.”

  I turn my attention back to him. “Sorry. I’m just…wrestling with some things.”

  “She doesn’t know, does she?” His eyes are gentle, his words soft.

  I shake my head. “I never could figure out how to tell her without sounding like I’m crazy.”

  He gives me a wry smile. “It does sound a little farfetched. But she deserves to know, don’t you think?”

  “She does. But I’m scared. What if she rejects me when she finds out? What if she’s afraid, or thinks I’m messed up or crazy or lying?” I reach over and grip his fingers.

  “You trusted me with your secret, and I’m still here. If she rejects you because of it, she wasn’t as good of a friend as you thought she was.”

  I nod, trying to accept the rationality in his words. He’s right, of course.

  “Look at me.”

  I do so.

  His eyes pierce me. “You’re braver than you know. It took a lot for you to tell me your secret. And yet, here I am. We’re going to get through this. We’ll figure it out somehow, I promise.”

  I love you.

  The words are right there on the tip of my tongue, and they fight their way out of my mouth. It takes everything I have to not say them. I can’t push. I can’t rush. But I let the feeling take over me, swell me with this tidal wave of happiness.

  This one perfect moment.

  He smiles. It’s crooked, darling, endearing. He feels my sentiments, even if I can’t say them.

  He gives me strength to do the right thing. I can tell her.

  I will tell her.

  chapter twelve

  DID I CHOOSE THE right outfit to wear? Nervousness flutters in my stomach, and I can’t seem to push it aside. I smooth the front of my thin black long-sleeved shirt down for the third time since getting out of the car and cast a quick glance at my plaid skirt and black tights.

  “You sure you want to be here?” I ask Dominic. “If you don’t—”

  “Let’s just go in before we talk ourselves out of it,” he tells me lightly as he rings the doorbell. He gives my hand a quick, comforting squeeze.

  I study the exterior of the sprawling brick house a little closer, trying to divert my attention from my shaky nerves. Alexis’s home is huge—three stories, brown brick facing, lots of windows and a pristinely manicured front lawn. I had no idea she was so well-off. Or that her parents were, anyway.

  A throbbing bass gets louder as the door is flung open. Alexis, wearing a tight T-shirt and tiny denim skirt, beams broadly. “Wow! You’re here, and you look so cute! I didn’t know if you’d show or not. Come in, come in.” With her free hand she waves us inside, careful not to splash the drink in her plastic blue cup.

  I hand over the two-liter of Coke I brought (I figured it would be rude to show up empty-handed—old-fashioned, I’m sure) and follow her in, Dominic close behind me. The coolness in the room from their central air feels good.

  “Beverages in the kitchen, along with snacks. Help yourself to anything you want and make yourself at home—” she pauses, winks, “—but I’m strongly encouraging everyone to stay out of the bedrooms.”

  I swallow and turn my attention to the living room. It’s massive and decorated in cream tones. Every spare piece of furniture is filled up with teens, laughing and drinking and kissing. “Your house is so pretty.”

  She laughs. “Thanks. My parents have a fetish for off-white. Anyway, there’s a pool in the backyard and plenty of room to chill. Oh, there’s Becky—sorry, gotta talk to her for a sec.” With that, she slips back into the crowd.

  I edge away from the crowd, making sure to maintain a safe distance. Luckily people aren’t being rowdy, so I should be fine.

  Dominic sidles up to me. “Where to?”

  “Let’s go outside.”

  He nods as he peers toward the kitchen, where more people spill in and out. “Sounds good. I’ll get us some drinks. Looks a little crowded in there, so you snag us space in the back yard, okay?”

  Somehow I manage to weave between people, getting a few acknowledging nods from some I recognize, and make my way toward the back of the house. I slide the French doors open and head outside.

  The warm, balmy air hits me quickly, and once I slide the doors closed the music from inside fades. Outside there’s a large crowd around the pool, with lots of teens milling about. I slip along the edge of the fence and make my way toward the back, where only a couple of people wander around.

  There’s a nice patch of grass over here. I sit down and stare up at the night sky. Hundreds of stars twinkle down on me. I’m overcome by a sudden feeling of peace; it’s almost like Jane’s right here with me, congratulating me for coming to the party. This feels good. This feels right.

  The light sound of girls giggling reaches me, and I smile, then dig my phone out of my pocket. I shoot Samantha a quick text to tell her I’m at the party and I hope dinner goes well, then turn it off, breathing deeply. There’s something about the air here that makes me feel like I’m…home.

  In quiet times, when I’m lying in bed about to fall asleep, I think about my life. About all those holes, the missing pieces. What other cities have I gone to? Did I love them too, and find friends to fill that empty void in my heart? Have I ever connected with a place so perfectly that I was willing to sacrifice everything to stay, like I have with this city?

  Sitri’s never said a word about it. He actually seemed surprised I’d want to give up his “gift” and become a regular human again. Maybe I never connected with anyone before. The thought makes me sad.

  “This is perfect,” Dominic says. He hands me a plastic cup. In the dark, his hair has a pale glow cast about the crown. His eyes are shaded, but everything about his body is calm and soothing.

  I take a sip. It’s the soda I brought. The crisp bubbles cool my mouth. “Thanks,” I say with a smile.

  He takes a drink out of his cup then lies back on the grass, folding his arms behind his head. His torso lengthens tightly, the lean muscle evident through his T-shirt. “I want to know more about you,” he says.

  I stretch out in similar fashion, finding a comfortable spot beside him and looking up toward the heavens. It feels right to share this moment, this memory with him. A layering of the past and present. “Like what?”

  The stars twinkle down on us, bright pinholes of light in the black sky. The moon is still thick but starting to wane.

  “Like, everything.” He’s quiet for a moment. “Okay, let’s start with, what time period are you from?”

  I blink. “Um, late fifteen hundreds.”

  He huffs in surprise. “So hard to believe,” he murmurs. “Must be a culture shock for you, being here in New Orleans. Do you have to relearn how to use technology each time you…move?”

  “No,” I say, thoughtful. “It’s like when a person gets amnesia. I remember how to use things and keep up with technology and scientific advances, but I don’t remember specific people or situations.”

  “Hm. What’s your first memory?”

  “Wow, good question.” I search my mind, wheeling time back as far as I can, skipping past all the black patches to my early childhood. “I remember
being around five years old and wearing a mask. I was looking through two eyeholes. My family and I were at some kind of festival, I think.” I vaguely recall the strong scent of meat permeating the air, the bustle of the crowd as they laughed and drank. My mother and father dancing and clapping to the music. Jane and I clutching dirty hands, swinging in circles and giggling over the widened flow of our skirts. “You?”

  “Hmm.” He pauses. “I was on an airplane. My parents liked to travel a lot when I was younger. I don’t quite remember where we were going, but my brother continued to shove me away from him so he could take both armrests.” He chuckles. “Jack never was very good at sharing.”

  “How old is he?”

  “Nineteen. He’s going to Tulane. Studying pre-med—he wants to be a pediatric surgeon. He’s very smart.” Dominic turns on his side to face me. “Do you—did you—uh, did you have any brothers or sisters?”

  “One,” I say quickly, not commenting on his awkward phrasing. “A younger sister, Jane.”

  “I bet you miss her.”

  “Every day. And I feel…” I swallow and shove back the surge of emotion. “I feel guilty for not getting to say goodbye. We were really close, and when I left I know it hurt her. I left her all alone.”

  He’s silent for a moment. “Well, why not do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Tell her goodbye. Some people believe if you write down a thought or a wish on a piece of paper and then burn it, it sends that message out to the universe.”

  A promising way for me to spill all these feelings out to her in a safe way, to unburden myself. Definitely worth trying. “I will. Thank you for the idea. Do you and your brother get along well?”

  Out of the corner of my eye I see him shrug. “Sometimes, but we’re really different. For example, I’m not sure what I want to be yet. He’s had his life mapped out since he was twelve. What do you want to be?”

  “Free.” The words, the thought, the dream spill from me so fast. I turn to face him, stare into his endless gaze, the thick night’s shadows caressing his face the way I wish I could. “Dominic, I need to be honest with you.” Courage. “I don’t have much time left until… Well, I have a plan. A tentative one. But if it doesn’t work, I won’t be here for long—Sitri can take me anytime he wants.”