Break Your Heart Page 20

  My whole body slammed with awareness as I drank him in. Unlike earlier this morning, he didn’t seem scattered or distracted anymore. I could sense his attention hot on me, and my skin tightened in response. He was freshly shaved, wearing a new outfit.

  “Megan,” he murmured as I neared him. I tried my best to fight back my body’s response to his proximity. I could smell him—his scent wafting in the soft spring air. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  Suddenly my eyes began to burn. I felt confused and lost and totally exposed, as if my insides were visible for everyone to see. Why was he here now when he couldn’t bother to respond to my text earlier? Not even a quick message to say he wanted to speak with me too? That he would meet me here?

  I didn’t know if it was petty for me to be upset about that, but I was. I felt out of control, uneasy, my earlier bravado long gone. My brain was scrambled with all the words I wanted to say.

  “What for?” I asked him outright.

  “I have some things I need to tell you and they’re long overdue.” His voice was low and steady, but he didn’t sound very sure of himself. There was hesitation in his eyes, like he was weighing his words as carefully as possible before speaking. Another glimpse of his vulnerabilities; I wasn’t the only one on unsteady ground here. My nervousness faded just a touch. “Just a little of your time, please. I’ll bring you right home afterward if you want. I promise.”

  “We could talk in my apartment,” I found myself offering. I wasn’t sure I could bear to sit in a cozy car beside him without wanting to touch him. In my apartment I could put space between us.

  He paused, then nodded.

  My hands shook as I opened the door. I knew Casey wouldn’t be in yet, since she’d told me she was working on a big paper all afternoon in the library. I flicked on the light switch.

  “This is my apartment,” I said lamely. Duh, of course it was. My nerves were making me dumb, apparently. But Nick hadn’t been here yet, and I felt beyond awkward.

  He stepped in and headed to the couch. Seemed to pause before sitting down, resting one ankle on the knee of the other leg.

  I took the chair adjacent, even though my body cried out to rest in the crook of his arm.

  Nick was silent for a good minute or two. Silence stretched out between us.

  “Is everything okay?” I finally asked, unable to stand the quiet anymore. “You seemed . . . off in class. Is that what you came here to talk about?”

  He thinned his lips and nodded, and my heart sank. The look in his eyes wasn’t happy or hopeful. Nick hadn’t come here to tell me he missed me, or that he wanted me back.

  I steeled myself and tangled my fingers together in my lap. Drew in a slow breath and waited for him to start.

  “I quit my job,” he finally said.

  I blinked. “What?” That was so not what I’d expected him to say.

  Nick dropped his foot to the floor and leaned toward me, his face inscrutable. “At the end of this semester, I’m done with Smythe-Davis. I put in a call with a grad school buddy to get adjunct work at a nearby college this summer. Plus another sent me a lead on a potential full-time teaching position in the fall. No guarantees, but it looks promising.”

  “But . . . I don’t understand.” Why would he quit? What if he didn’t get tenure track with another college? “The school dropped everything against you after we stopped seeing each other, didn’t they? Are you still in trouble with them?”

  Nick rose from the couch, then crouched down at my feet, on his knees. He cupped my hands in his, and that warmth I had craved daily seared my skin, slipped into my veins. His eyes were wide open, and I could see the nervous hope all over his face, tinged with a number of other emotions. My pulse kicked.

  “Watching you walk out my door and not stopping you was the single stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I have regretted it every damn day. I’ve seen you in class and have been torn apart by self-loathing at my weakness. It killed me not to talk to you, not to kiss you or smell your skin or hear you laughing. You gave me your heart, and I didn’t value it. I’m so sorry for that.”

  I sucked in a ragged draw of air and bit my lower lip. Hearing those words come from him eased a bit of that raw ache that had taken up permanent residence in my heart. His thumbs stroked the thin flesh of my fingers, sending goose bumps across my arms. He was so close to me, so close, and my whole body just wanted to lean into him.

  “Time has given me perspective,” he continued in a husky voice. “And I couldn’t go one more day in this hollow existence without at least trying to win you again. Am I alone in this, Megan? Have you stopped loving me?”

  I shook my head as tears flooded my eyes and streamed down my cheeks, unchecked. I wanted to speak, but my throat was so tight and painful I wasn’t sure I could. The hurt and anger and loneliness was fading fast now, replaced with a light buoyancy I hadn’t felt in so long.

  “I know this seems fast and probably a little crazy, but for once I wanted to follow what my heart told me, not my head. I’ve spent my whole life aggressively pursuing my life plan without deviation—finishing school, getting a dependable job, buying a house, right on schedule. Then you showed up. . . .” He paused and shot me that familiar crooked grin. His teeth flashed. “And all those plans went right to hell. Because all I wanted was you.”

  I couldn’t hold back anymore. I flung my arms around his neck and slammed against his torso, sliding down to my knees between his thighs. We sat there for a few minutes, touching, exploring, refamiliarizing ourselves with each other. His body was hot beneath my fingers. I felt like I’d been cold until now.

  I ran my hands over his muscled nape, his shoulder blades, as he pressed kisses to my tear-streaked cheeks. “I missed you, Nick,” I managed to say. “So much.”

  “Every night for the last month, I’ve reread all of our messages, relived each moment I spent with you,” he breathed against my skin. The warm puffs sent shivers along my flesh. I arched against him, rubbed my breasts to his pecs. He lifted me until we stood, then wrapped his arms around me. “It’s been hell, being without you. You haunted my bed, my house, all of my previous solitary spaces. And seeing you on campus was a special kind of torture. My life has been missing that spark you brought into it.”

  It was everything I wanted to hear. But something kept me from being able to fall into it completely. Guilt over the total upheaval of his life. He was willing to give so much; I could do the same for him.

  I pulled back and said, “Nick, I don’t mind keeping quiet about us if you want to withdraw your resignation.” I’d just have to be extra careful with him on campus so no one else would figure it out. “Or I’ll apply to another college for grad school so you can stay, if you’re worried about that. I know how important this job is to you—”

  “My life is more than a job,” he interrupted. His mouth swept a row of soft, soul-rending kisses along my jaw. “I know that now. I can teach anywhere. I want us to have a fair chance, to not have to hide you anymore like you’re a dirty secret. You deserve more than that. And so do I.” He paused and peered down at me; those infinite, intense eyes looked right into my heart, into all the nooks and crannies of my brain, into every little part of me. “I know this is happening a bit fast, but Megan, my gut tells me if I let you go, I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it. Can we try again? We can take it as slow as you want, but I want another chance. I’ll prove to you that I’m worth the effort. I won’t hurt you again, I swear.”

  My answer was simple. I closed my eyes, breathed his name and pressed my lips to his.

  Chapter 24

  When our lips touched, all the pent-up tension seemed to evaporate from Nick’s body. He tugged me deeper into his embrace, then slanted his mouth over mine. Deepened the kiss in a sensual lick of his tongue that had me shivering with need.

  “I’ve missed tasting you,” he panted against my mouth.

  That made me throb. My belly tightened, and my pulse flut
tered in my core. “Me too,” I said in a breathy voice. I pulled away long enough to take his hand and lead him into my room.

  He followed without a sound. The door shushed closed behind us. Then he was on me again, his hands everywhere, his mouth tasting and nipping and licking. My fingers clawed his shirt apart, fumbled at his pants, and then we were both standing there in our underwear.

  His arousal was hard and heavy between us. Nick darted a hand to my naked waist and tugged me to him. Our bodies were flushed with warmth, our mutual heat feeding into each other. “Do you feel how much I want you? Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

  With a quirked smile, I reached down and palmed his erection through the thin fabric of his boxers. He groaned, and I felt him twitch against my hand.

  “I missed this,” I said as I skated my tongue along the line of his collarbone. He shuddered under my ministrations. I pushed down his boxers and let him spring free, then cupped the globes of his ass.

  His hands locked on my wrists, and he shoved me away, then pushed me onto my bed. Laid me down and pressed his body against me. His hands slid all over my skin, from ankle to calf, from knee to thigh, up my belly, skating along the edge of my breast. Again. Again.

  After a few minutes of that, I was squirming for more. My breasts were ripe and full, nipples aching. I was clenched in need for him.

  “Please,” I begged him.

  He gave me a wicked smile and leaned to my ear. “Please what, Megan?” His tongue and teeth played with my earlobe, the shell, and I shook.

  “Please, I need you inside me.” I wanted to get him to go faster, so I decided to push the button. “Make love to me, Dr. Muramoto.”

  That did it. My bra and panties were ripped off and discarded on the side, and I heard the plastic of a condom crackle as he sheathed himself. Nick stroked me between my thighs and my flesh swelled and grew impossibly damp.

  “You’re so ready for me, aren’t you, Megan.” He aligned himself on top of me, his strong knees pressing my thighs apart. We were close, so close. I held my breath and waited for him to enter me. “Tell me how much you missed me.”

  I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist, tilting my pelvis so he could enter me easily. My hands cupped his shoulders and I looked right into his eyes. “I missed you more than you’ll ever know, Nick.”

  “I love you.” With those words spilling from him, Nick entered me, and I gasped, my core full, my heart full. He withdrew, thrust again. “I love you, Megan. I love you so damn much it hurts.”

  “Yes, Nick,” I murmured, the strokes along my walls bringing that delicious surge to my belly. I squeezed him with my lower muscles, and he groaned, pressed his mouth to the curve of my breast.

  One of his hands reached up to caress my cheek as he thrust faster. My orgasm was building, building, and my body began to tingle in anticipation.

  “I love you,” I told him with all the bald honesty that was in my heart. I loved this man, who had given up something important to be with me. How could I not? My chest filled with everything I was feeling as my heart spilled over.

  Nick drove harder, his moves becoming more erratic. He dropped his other hand to flick my tender flesh between us, and I groaned, pressed against those expert fingers. “I need your orgasm, Megan. Give it to me, baby. Please.”

  “I’m so close,” I panted. Part of me wanted to close my eyes and savor the other sensory feelings—his mouth sucking my flesh, his fingers rubbing frantically, the throb of his heartbeat against my chest, the mingled scents of our sex. But I needed to see his eyes when I came.

  Right there.

  Right there.

  He must have read it on my face, because his eyes slid into a confident smile and his finger rubbed the perfect spot.

  I exploded. My whole body flew apart in a torrent of sensations, and I shuddered and cried out. “God, yes, yes!” I was a riot of feeling, a maelstrom of need. Nick’s body was the only thing anchoring me to the ground.

  As the orgasm ebbed, I gave a satisfied sigh and arched against him. My nipples hardened more from each brush of skin. I used my core muscles to squeeze him, and I felt Nick’s body stiffen with his growing need.

  “Your turn,” I breathed into his ear.

  He growled, filled me to the hilt and paused. I ground our pelvises together; Nick closed his eyes. “That’s going to make me come,” he managed to say.

  I cupped his face and stole his breath with a deep kiss. I let all of my feelings pour out into him. Nick’s eyes flew open and locked on mine, our mouths tangled together; he was as deep inside me as a person can get—both in my body and in my heart.

  He stiffened, groaned into my open mouth, and I felt his body jerk as he orgasmed, still staring at me. Those eyes gave me everything that was in him. Those eyes promised Nick’s heart belonged to me, Nick’s body belonged to me, that he wasn’t going to let me go.

  It was the most intense moment in my entire life.

  Nick collapsed, withdrew and rolled onto his side, pulling me against his sweat-tinged skin. My pulse ricocheted and echoed the frantic gasps of my breaths. His head rested on the pillow as our exhales mingled in the scant inches of space between our mouths.

  “That was . . . unbelievably intense,” he said as he quickly discarded the condom, then resumed his position at my side. “I’ve never done that before—had my eyes open when I came.”

  “Me neither.” I was like our souls had touched. I knew that sounded cheesy, but there was no other explanation for the way it had made me feel. My heart tightened and I sniffled.

  His eyes turned sad, his hand brushing the curve of my hip. “Are you upset?”

  I shook my head and fought back the tears that threatened to come out. “No, I’m just so . . . happy. So overwhelmed by how happy I am. I thought we were done.”

  Nick brushed a sweet kiss to my brow. “Not by far, Megan.”

  He loved me. He’d told me he loved me. I was pretty sure my chest might explode from everything I was feeling right now.

  As we lay there, luxuriating in coming down from the sexual high, we got caught up on the last month. Nick hadn’t done much outside of work, though he said Gloria hurt her hip and was slowing down. “I think she has glaucoma too.” He sighed. “My old girl’s getting older. And she’s pissed at me that you’re not there.”

  I laughed. “How do you know this?”

  “Because she keeps going to the front door, waiting for you to show up. Every night. When I call her from the door, she grumbles under her breath and refuses to sleep near me. She misses you almost as much as I do.”

  Okay, that made me tear up. I squeezed his upper arm and struggled to regain control of myself. I didn’t want to dissolve into tears, not now. “I miss her too,” I managed to choke out.

  “How’s . . . your family?” he asked gingerly.

  I knew what he was really asking. “Everything’s going well.” I filled him in on Mom’s breakthrough, her inpatient therapy, her intense outpatient counseling. “She says she still has cravings, but she’s taking it day by day.”

  “I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you during that.” Shame echoed in his words.

  “None of that,” I chastised as I leaned over and took his mouth in another intimate kiss. “If we’re going to move forward, let’s let it go.”

  Our talk meandered more; I wasn’t sure how much time had passed until I heard the front door open. Nick sat up and looked at me in alarm.

  “It’s Casey, my roommate,” I said. “Totally fine.” Her bedroom door closed a moment later.

  He scrubbed a hand along his jaw as he jumped out of bed and tossed on his clothes. “No, that’s not it. Gotta hurry. Time got away from me.”

  “Where do you need to go?” I sat up and draped the sheet over my naked body.

  He eyed my form and his eyes turned inky dark, filled with sensual hunger. “You’d better put some clothes on, or I might end up stayin
g all night here in bed.”

  I dropped the sheet and gave him the cockiest smile I could. “Is that such a bad thing?”

  He groaned and dropped his gaze. “Any other day, no. But we’re gonna be late if we don’t get going.” He finished buttoning his shirt and tossed me my clothes.

  “Wait, where are we headed?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He leaned down, kissed my lips, then slipped into his shoes.

  I tugged my clothes on, and Nick and I left my room, donned our jackets, then exited the apartment. He ushered me to his car, and we practically peeled out of the parking lot on squealing tires.

  “Hold on to your panties, Megan,” he said with a sexy, wicked smile.

  “God, I forgot what a crazy driver you are,” I said breathlessly, then laughed. I clenched the handle as Nick wove the car to the highway. Before long, the downtown Cleveland skyline was in front of us. The setting sun was dipping west into Lake Erie, bringing a warm, clear night in its wake.

  Had he made us dinner reservations? I bit my lip to fight the girly sigh that threatened to escape. I hadn’t expected anything like that. The preparation he’d put into coming to me today made me feel special. Important.

  I reached over and touched his thigh, felt the muscles bunch under my fingers.

  Nick got off at an exit and navigated through traffic. He found a parking spot on the street and whipped into it. Shut the car off and practically dragged me out of the car. “Come on, come on,” he said in a breathless tone.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “They won’t start without us,” I mumbled. We speed-walked down the sidewalk, turning toward Public Square. Crowds and clusters of people bunched together as we wove our way through and around them.

  We crossed the intersection and walked into the small park area, right in the center of Public Square. Spindly trees thrust into the sky around me, tiny buds on the tips of the branches promising that true spring was right around the corner. A stiff breeze danced through the park.